Now, It is high time I talked about another outstanding feature of Japanese life: courtesy.
Anyone who claims the Japanese are not courteous ought to have his head examined. I can say, without question, the Japanese race, as a whole, is the most outwardly polite and courteous in the world. But, in order not to get too excited about this admirable trait the Japanese practice faithfully from birth until death, one must know the reason why.
Many years ago when the social systems in Japan were being formed, I believe that those in power must have had the foresight to know that Japan would, at one time, become extremely overpopulated. Therefore, in order to try and exist in some sort of social order people from the Emperor down to the lowest peasant had to learn a code of courtesy.
Unfortunately, as most rules and regulations of Japanese society, this courtesy code has developed into one of the greatest paradoxes in modern Japan. You should not only study this code and practice it as faithfully as you know how, you should also know when not to use it. You must likewise learn how to take advantage of it so that it may work to your advantage even if you have been wrong on any matter or have even gone as far as to having committed a crime.
One of the most convenient Japanese phrases that you must learn without fail is “Gomennasai” or at least the abbreviated “Gomen”, “I’m sorry”.
This may be used when errors are made or when any of your action offends someone; this goes from stepping on someone’s toes in a crowded elevator to killing your friend for sleeping with your wife. The mere utterance of this phrase does wonders. No matter what hideous thing you have done or no matter what insignificant error you may have committed, the saying of the expression Gomennnasai will cover it completely. If it doesn’t cover it completely it will certainly help to lessen the resulting punishment or action from the other individual or authorities.
The acceptance of such a system of courtesy stems from the fact that no matter what your counterpart has done or what error or crime he may have committed you have to save his face. Here goes face-saving. This might be described as passive submission.
This goes hand in hand with the “don’t make waves policy” so that you never put your friend, partner, or acquaintance in a position that would embarrass or ridicule him. Some people advocate this system of courtesy since it makes for peaceful coexistence with one’s fellow men in Japan. You may have been laboring under the wrong impression that it is a great deal better to let someone know when he is wrong and reward him with a swift right to the jaw on occasion, or when you dislike someone to tell him directly to his face that you think he is a cad or a goddamn stupid bloke and to get the hell out of your sight before you lose your temper. You must never degrade yourself to the point where you use these simple Western methods in Japan, because if you do you will be immediately ostracized by the community.
Perhaps a few actual examples here might help you to see how to take proper care of your temper when you are in Japan, as well as how to act when certain situations arise that might disturb you to the point of a childish Western outburst of emotion.
I’ll hunt for some episodes in my next installment.
Bye
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